HOW TO GET OVER AN EX

If you read my last post on SIGNS YOU ARE NOT REALLY OVER WITH YOUR EX. Then here are some tips on how to get over your EX.

Getting over a break up is an agonising process. It's enough sometimes to make people even swear off love. (That's usually temporary). And if a person hasn't cried buckets wailing they'll never love again, they might do worse: go back to the ex, for sex, to beg to give the relationship another chance, to fight, to find out whyyyyyy and all of it, every reason and then some, is a bad one to go back to your ex. Never do it. Time is your friend. Your ex is
not. Yes, yes some people will be friends with their exes and if they share children that's a goal to strive for, however for all other newly singles, the real reason to try to "stay friends" is simple a reluctance to let go.
But you've got to let go to move on.
So how do you get over an ex when it's such tricky terrain, fraught with missteps, emotional triggers and land mines?

1. Cut all social media ties

Disconnect your ex from all social accounts. Yes, every single one. "I unfriended them from Facebook but a little Instagram won't hurt". Yes it will. Every account. Every last one: delete them! Do not let yourself be tempted to follow them and what they are up to. Your focus is now you, not them. So many people do not do this step but it's so very, very vital in our modern day of communication. Untangle your online lives.

2. Delete them from your phone

Remove their number from your phone. Yup - why do you need it? If you share kids, skip this step. Otherwise, you can keep their number if you must, in a sealed envelope tucked away somewhere, but not right on your phone where it's too easy to text in a weak moment.

3. Avoid places the both of you went to together

Stop going to any venue you went to together. Create new memories in new places.

4. Temporarily stop seeing mutual friends

If you shared mutual friends, stop seeing them for awhile or definitely see them when your ex isn't going to be there. Eventually you can change this, but not for the first 3-6 months until you've gained enough time on your own that you feel healed.

5. Use your support network

Go out with your friends and family or whoever your support network is, or have them over. Don't wallow alone. Find people to cry with who will understand you're not at your best right now and need some time to heal, and will love you through it.

6. Give yourself a definite mourning period

Give yourself a time limit to feel nothing but sad and then force yourself to get back out to land of the living. Not date, but have fun.

7. Think about what you've learned

Take stock. What have you learned? Don't go bounding into the next relationship with baggage. Clean out that luggage, figure out what you'd do differently next time and take only that with you!

8. Be kind to yourself

Do something new to yourself. Sometimes therapy comes in making ourselves feel a bit refreshed, with the traditional - or cliche but effective - new haircut, or a new exercise regimen or a new outfit or even a new hobby. Get back to discovering who you are as a person, just you. Doing this makes you feel confident, energised and that's healthy (and a bit attractive too!).

9. Stop wondering how they are

If you ever find yourself asking how your ex is, stop and change that to "how are you" - and say that instead to either yourself if you're wondering in your own head what your ex is up to, or ask it of the person you were about to enquire about your ex to. And if you can't remember the last time you wondered how your ex is, then you're on your way to letting go and moving on - well done!

10. Think about what you're thankful for

Thank your ex. Not directly. To yourself or in a letter or journal or in a talk with friends. What are you grateful for, now that you're on the other side of the relationship? You're not in it anymore, you're out of it. What can you be thankful for having experienced or learned? Give the relationship perspective and it will create distance and closure with your ex.